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A Muddle Of Poems

Alex’s Poetic side.

Please let these stars guide me home,
The debt in which I claim, was paid in full,
I crossed that line far from the road,
Lost my mind, I’ve had prison bars of my own,
What do I wish on? When my vision is gone,
A two course collision, with a coping mechanism,
And brute force…
No cross road junctions,
To make me run from these onions,
My function is dysfunction,
Another one bites the dust so I write in blood,
With my pen now I’m lunging in…
I’m deeply lost, but reinforced,
You refuse to keep me close, and I sink further,
Into using the force, now to the dark-side I enter,
A land-slide of words is now my form of murder,
You can analyze each burn,
But your eyes have been banned
By the sights he has earned,
He will rise from the dead,
And give to the world what is deserves in return.

From the ashes I am rising,
Back to balance this horizon,
From this abyss in which I’m climbing,
Of hopelessness, motionless and bribing,
No hope left in this bottomless pit,
Gotta keep a grip, I gotta keep grip…
Having a dream doesn’t mean you’re fool,
Subconsciously knowing it won’t come true,
That might do, when this world laughs at you…
I’m just getting warming up,
I need a way to transform my luck,
From corrupt to construct a good life, I must…
It’s all on my cards; I will take all of the bad, easy or hard,
Because I believe in my heart,
No more cheating the start,
This empty feeling I have,
If you could only see the meaning of that…
I’m still open-minded, the right idea, still hoping to find it,
It’s like I’ve been blinded by the soap trapped behind my eye-lids,
My words are deafening, in this environment of silence,
My Mount Everest I’ve climbed it,
And when I hit the event of my death,
I want people to say…
“Life… That dude tried it”

The shadows violate through my window,
As an unexpected intruder,
Just then time froze and my courage took the form of excluder,
My blanket becomes my shield,
To darkness I am tonight’s last meal,
I dare not move, I dare not stare, beyond that bed, beyond that chair,
All in my head? Or is something on the air?
All my words, all cry help, all unheard as my tongue never dealt…
As my fear along with eyes begin to focus,
Works of ten madmen or witchcrafts hocus-Pocus?
Under my bed, ready to attack,
Is this the menace within my head hidden within the dark?
The door is my guard, my prison,
This room has me finally trapped…
A break for freedom is on a mind echo,
I hate the feeling of being totally alone,
I try and chase the meanings of monsters being within my own home,
Then come back to peace, logic and belief,
Remove my head from the sheets and take another peek.

These Med-kits have no instant direct hit,
On my fucking headaches,
I think I’m addicted, dependant,
Since my hands and legs shake,
I’m still outta’ control,
But depression ain’t nothing baby when we start to roll,
My problems,
I keep running from them till I’m back in the cold,
My shadow mans pressing buttons,
Messing and fucking me up,
Momma, I just thought you should know,
I was trying to go forward but being pulled back,
Rocking back and forth in the corner,
But I told you as soon as,
You tried to get me the right help,
Now there’s nothing they can do,
Cried every night,
Because my genes set me up in hell,
So you know I had to pull through.

In this dead of night,
I’m in a crisis,
Hells set its sights,
One the righteous,
This precious life is not that priceless,
Can’t be that petrified,
If I’m still fight for rights,
In this dead heat,
I have to separate my feet soon,
And make a break for freedom,
My hands shake and I’m tearful,
We both know time waits for no fool.

I’m hellbound from sell-out to sold out,
Makes a change from living in a cold house,
The welcome mat from red to black is rolled out,
From hell I’m back,
Now you can’t get me back,
I’m something you can’t hold down,
Put me back on my feet,
Hells back to tear words apart,
My world already fell apart,
Looks like you were all sight seeing,
In my live readings, I rest in pieces,
With your peace you police me,
I don’t have my own blood on my hands,
Only delusions of granger in them,
Watch me break these clouds, expose these heavens,
If I can,
I’m writing in venom.

I’m being held by angels,
Does that mean I’m in danger?
And now I can’t stay with you.
I’m afraid that death is my cure,
Have I jumped my last stepping stone?
Letting myself in through heavens door,
Set forth for the light beyond,
From the fight before I have to stay strong,
Laying here going, going, gone,
Then being thrown in the darkest of holes,
My eyes, I have to keep them opened,
The reapers soul shopping,
He says “More often than none”
You will be lowered in to that hole within that coffin.

I had a dream,
That the past has captured me,
A crash test dummy,
For the masters who attached a lead,
And their partners who passed a beat,
I’m in agony,
As my life passes, blinding me,
Living in harmony,
When the harm is put on you by somebody,
Who thinks you’re harmless,
Writing on my body,
With no money and hungry,
I need this,
So I plead my case,
Please miss; provide a recess from this pain,
Can’t be aggressive my mellow mind is to blame,
But the marks on my face and rib-cage,
Have me heading the wrong way.
It’s a hell of long way,
Back to the Promised Land,
To be a common man,
You have a different angle on me,
I’m blinded my this sun-rise,
I think I can make you see that sometimes,
Angry is the only way to be.

This is coming off my chest,
I’m flying off these walls,
All these emotions inside,
Can’t be stalled,
It’s time to break loose,
It’s time to break free,
Alex’s blew a fuse,
Here comes another side of me.
In the current climate I’m loving poverty,
I’m dying in my poetry,
I wish my eyes were born blind,
Because I’m throwing these stones,
I don’t want to see where they land,
When all my hope has gone,
Please keep hold of my hand.

At night,
The airs talking to me,
Shadows are walking to me,
Their grip is locking me,
It’s shockingly shaking the room,
Rocking me rapidly, attacking me,
Grabbing me, throwing me, flooring me,
Entity whoring me, grounding me,
Setting about me,
Sky high clouding me,
Shouting loudly at me, “How could he just walk out on his life and still go to sleep?”
“We take over and cause a super-nova, so no one looks at him likes he’s just another freak!”

Watch me deteriorate,
Cause I’m feeling this weight,
Of looking fear in the face,
Seems like now we’re in a race,
In this day and age,
Can’t be without a key for my cage,
What would you say if I wanted out?
“Alex, you’re not seeing this straight, it’s normal for you to be feeling this way.”
Deep down I know it’s the truth,
This is to the world,
Keep me away.

Trying to be a man in a contest world,
Got to find some moral ground,
Before this solider can step out of hell,
Holding out my hand reaching for help,
No one’s there, my problems shared,
Problem doubled,
Probably best now to leave him troubled,
Just stop and stare,
Watch that guy talk nonsense, pop pills and top himself,
Throw that psycho in a padded cell,
In my eyes, he is not right in the maddening head,
He was once innocent in sense,
Put him in chains,
Now the only time we see that guy is when the weathers changed,
Look, look, the pains he’s in has got him running naked in the rain,
Someone save him from himself,
Think about the danger that crazy kid could put this world in.

I’ve been auctioned off to the night,
Gavel banged and gone,
Now I’m boxed off from life tonight,
Buried with and avalanche of wrong,
The right is to far away,
Gather round my void,
I reach my hand to safety,
But its get to hard just to hang on,
I took a wrong turn,
There is nothing here to compare,
How long this world took to burn,
My soul with its words,
I’m nothing less than nothingness,
Undress my feelings,
Grit my teeth and suffer this,
This planet I may be under this,
But I’m lighting matches,
I’m damned if I do and damned if I didn’t it,
Stuck with these twenty-two catches.

We could be together forever,
Until death do us part,
I would go further than that,
Just to protect both of our hearts,
I would travel to heaven or even to hell,
Bring you back to the living,
So I could take you and make you my world,
I’m opening the ground,
Shouting above and over these clouds,
All I know right now,
Is your soul must be found,
My time flows slow,
Until I find you I am going rouge,
My own soul is rolling over to your cold,
I can’t live this life without you,

Thought I was hands on,
But all I got was random samples,
Supposedly examples,
Of the once existence of a man gone,
Holding me for ransom,
Trapped in this sandstorm,
Like having soap in your eyes,
Grabbing broken cries,
Having both sides in your mind,
Halving then asking for more time,
There is your line,
You stay on your side,
I will stay on mine.
I plead for a divorce from God,
I’ve tried using brute force,
Connecting through Morse code,
What took you so long?
Not God, these kicks aren’t stopping,
I’m the seventh wonder of a problematic motion,
Rocking back and forth in wonder intently,
The persons question is why? In that sentence,
I’m searching for divine intervention,
Mind over body,
But your body learns the lessons.

I put vodka shots in my co-co pops,
Just to ease this suffering,
I’m up and down,
On a trapeze jumping,
Then on my knees numbing,
I should have given my keys to someone,
Now I am swaying back and forth,
Serious, I have plummeted from my summit,
My actions are only criss-cross,
My hands are always fist locked,
Smash the glass, grip and squash,
So now prepare yourself for an avalanche,
Of words,
Those are camouflaged,
In hurt,
I stand on guard,
People pass so far, fast.
I’m back in this car crash,
Just hit a brick wall,
No… don’t give this kid a call,
You weren’t responsible,
For making the omelets from my broken eggs,
For me now, its mission impossible,
To break free from these straps,
And get out this hospital bed.
Carrying all this dead weight,
On my back,
In my detrimental state, pushing me back,
I’ve had better days in lives chess games,
But not like that, not like that,
No longer running from monsters,
Mobsters or cop stares,
I’m the one in this corner,
Pilled up and I can’t stop there,
Because my storms are chased by doctors,
But more or less the road-rage that I show is,
Causing my prone face to chase the shadows,
God’s good grace homes in to do battles,
With the beast, the freak show animal,
Running down endless corridors,
Penniless but got front-row seats,
To my own personal horror show,
If I get hungry later,
I will follow the bread crumbs home.

It’s too little to late,
Playing piggy in the middle with dire straits,
I’ve got to find fate,
I’ve got a black heart,
But lights in my eyes,
When I break,
My glass shards are exchanged for money rides,
Just one day at a time, dude,
Just one day at a time.
It’s weird how fate hits with crushing blows,
I drown myself in this world’s weight,
This kid there’s nothing lower,
Dismissed – the hurries over,
Fits for overcoming sober,
It’s just that I am running low on,
The love the never showed up,
Just give me my soul back,
Let the cat out the bag,
Because you left this man to go mad,
In the hands of the bad,
I wish I could scratch out my eyes,
Because I don’t want them,
I have lived this modern life,
No way passed,
No way forward.

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  1. Filipa Moreira da Cruz


    Liked by 1 person

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